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But then the next morning, it was swollen and worse. I may have been paranoid, but his was the young, frat-boy voice of a student. That day I discovered the ultimate turn-on: two negative tests, and one man who didn’t care about the test the doctor didn’t give. For the first time since getting herpes, I felt like a normal girl in normal puppy love. But heartened by my first post-herpes relationship, disclosing became less of a chore. “And one in four or five people have it, even though most people don’t know since a standard STI test doesn’t test for it,” I said. In short, herpes hasn’t had such a significant impact on my life. I thought if I kept it light and perfunctory, his reaction might not be so bad. Ever since I had said the word, his hand had frozen on my stomach, started to sweat. Like he had many times before, the boy from the party went down on me. Right away, the scene of the crime was burning, sore, but nothing I hadn’t experienced before. That’s when I realized I was picking the wrong men. As we waited for our results, we giggled conspiratorially, stuffing little packets of lube from the fishbowl into our pockets.(“I want you too baby…and I had a wart removed last week.”) The best time to bring it up is some point things get so heated that the clothes start flying off.Ideally, there will be a decent sized window (days even) between these two landmarks.And somewhere within that window, you can launch into this: You: “I like you, and I want to be honest with you before things go any further….” She thinks, while crapping her pants: “He has kids I don’t know about, he’s married, he’s a convicted felon…” You: “I have ____ STD [more information about what that means for her that you’ve thoughtfully obtained from your doctor.]” She thinks, somewhat relieved: “Thank god he’s not married…” You: “I wanted to make sure you have had time to think about this before we have sex.I know that it’s kind of an awkward thing to talk about, but I hope if you have any questions you’ll ask me.” She thinks: “I’m not stoked he has an STD, but this guy is really sensitive and thoughtful.” STDs are (unfortunately) a part of many, many people’s lives—some stats say over 50%. ” My next boyfriend, to my surprise and delight, disclosed his own herpes to me. On the third day, panicked, I called up my college’s health center to book an appointment. I ditched the tears, shortened the speech, and started finding men who said things like, “I still can’t wait to fuck you” and “So?

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What if you two have a great chemistry and he/she has a great personality and you don’t want to let go?I’m not about to try and sugar coat or simplify the decisions you are going to have to make about continuing the relationship. Is she going to tell me about it, or am I just going to have to kick back and wait for blisters to start showing up on my junk?There are many, and not all of them will be easy ones to make. Honestly, in a healthy relationship, intimacy should be talked about before you engage in sexual activities, not after the fact, or while you are taking your clothes off. My risks are likely even lower; I got genital herpes from oral sex, and HSV-1 is even harder to transmit to a partner’s genital region. “It’s much harder for a woman to give it to a man, and to my knowledge, I’ve never given it to anyone,” I finished. Until nearly the end of college, I still hadn’t had a dick inside of me, but I’d had plenty of tongues. Even if my male peers had been forged by the same awful sex-ed that I had, surely I meant enough to them to at least do some research before rejecting me, right? We finally kissed: in his apartment, by the fish tank, his room steps away. He didn’t know what to say, but held me tight throughout our first sleepover. “You’re worth the risk.” Our first real date was to the testing center, where we got checked for everything else. And then, definitely aloud: “I have herpes.” Silence. “But before you freak out,” I said as casually as I could, “let me tell you about it.” “The transmission risks are tiny,” I started, and they are: about 2–4 percent from woman to man, depending on condom use. I’d worry about how to escape this foreign part of Brooklyn later. Bye then,” I said, stepping toward him, him, a body shellshocked on the bed. So I made a sort of ill-informed compromise with my sexual cravings: everything but. Down there, I looked and felt the same as I always had. And then one day at the office I met him, a tall, dark-haired, sunkissed drink of coworker water. Thanks to herpes, I took things slow, until the temptation to make things NSFW grew too strong.

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